Humour in church

Jeff Taylor

I like to think I’m funny. My readers are probably saying, „Oh please Jeff, you’re not that funny. Slightly amusing maybe but funny? No, not really.”

Listen to Jeff Taylor

Well, I’m sorry but I forgot to tell you … I don’t care. Other artists/performers/comedians aim to entertain their audiences but I just want to entertain myself.

This trait is especially useful when I’m somewhere feeling a bit bored. And where am I the most bored? In church.

Especially because I’m not Catholic. I don’t follow half the stuff. I don’t how to do the sign of the cross. In what order? Testicles, nipple, nipple, heart? Clockwise? Anti-clockwise?

The bell-ringing drives me crazy. Stand up, kneel, sit down, beg for food, etc. Are these dog tricks?

So to pass the time away, I came up with a list of what I could say to the guys in the frilly blouses (the priests’ bitches) as they collect the offering (ofiara).

1) „Two coffees, please.”

2) „Instead of money, can I give you a bus ticket?”

3)„How about coupons for McDonald’s?”

4) „When will you be serving wine.”

5) „Is there wi-fi in this place?”

6) „Can you tell the priest to liven things up? I’m falling asleep.” or „Can you tell the priest to speak more quietly? I have a hangover.”

7) „Keep the change.”

8) „Do I have to tip?”

9) „If I give you 10zl could you give me back 8zl?”

(łw)